Welcome back!
I realize it's been over a month now since my last post, so I'm sorry about that! This isn't going to be a normal post, but then again, what is normal?
Recently, I've discovered that my motivation to do much is gone. It's literally vanished since I started writing my latest novel, and I believe my inner critic had a big part to play in it.
Writing may turn out to be the easiest part of the job in the end, but it's still pretty tough. Especially when you're writing something that you're really not that into in the first place. Though it's good to challenge yourself, I feel that you should find something you are passionate about, and blossom in it. If you don't love your project, you're only feeding the fire which is your inner critic.
I know my work is far from perfect. I've had to learn when to stop tweaking things, and let my work go out into the world, where people can either love it or hate it. I can handle the mixed reviews for my Witch In The Woods trilogy, because no matter what anyone else thinks, I love it! That's the thing that matters.
Desolation has been a struggle for me. A dream I had awhile ago inspired me to write it, but I never expected it would be this hard on me. I've struggled to figure out why, but I knew the answer longer than I thought I did.
This book isn't my style. It's the chaos of modern day which I've always longed to escape from. The magic and freedom is dead, and in it's place are the aliens wielding the weapons that destroyed the peace. (Sounds pretty cool in a literary sense, but this isn't what I strive for.)
As I try to continue with my work, my inner critic rears it ugly head.
"You've never written a book like this before. It's not going to be any good. You're going to disappoint everyone. They think you should be finished by now, and be publishing five or more books a year. Once it's published, you're going to wish the world swallows you whole."
My inner critic has been harsh, and made me go through a full week (And some day here and there) where I lost myself. Not just in my writing, but in my life. It had me questioning everything. I found that stressing over something else gave me a break from stressing over my book.
I know it's okay to put the story down, and work on something else for a while, but I couldn't get myself to do it. I'm still working on it. I can't stop.
Honestly, I think the reason is that I've told people that Desolation would come out this year. Sure, it's only April, I have plenty of time to get it done, but people keep asking, "When will you publish it?" I don't want to let anyone down, but I don't know when. My inner critic only takes that as more fuel.
Would they think less of me if it's not ready when they want it?
Getting to talk about this with a close friend made me realize that I'm just one girl. One imperfect human, and that's okay. So I asked myself, when did I let other people be in charge of me? (My inner critic included)
What they think shouldn't matter to me. What my inner critic says is nothing important. I will not write this book to please anyone, but I will not stop, either. I'll keep fighting this battle, and I will come out on the other side. It may not be beautiful, or amazing, but I will finish this. Why, you ask? Because I need to keep writing this book for myself.
If any of you struggle with similar things, just know that you are a strong person, and can make it through this. You just need to find what truly matters to you.
*My Chemical Romance moment:
I don't want to make it. I just wanna.
Thanks for reading!
*All pictures found on Google images*
In the mood for a fantastic read full of witches, magic, and surprises?
